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Hot Air Balloon pilot – the easiest job in the world? June 1, 2009

Posted by Matt Domm in Life, Random rants.
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They actually fly these things?

They actually fly these things?

Where do I apply? As far as I can tell, the only experience I need is that I can wait for a phone call to tell me I don’t need to fly today – now, I’ve never flown anything but, from my experience of air balloon flights, so far  nor have they, surely?

What a fantastic weekend of weather we’ve had; the birds loved it, the bees loved it but, alas, it has been too windy for me to take my girlfriend on a floating basket – a gift I bought for her birthday, last November. That’s right, windy – and how can I argue with their “safety levels”?

Usually when I think of the weather as ‘windy’, I imagine full-grown men fighting for their lives on the seven seas; not a small tree outside my window gently swaying in the whirlwind created by a butterfly flapping its wings. Which, in case you’re wondering, is what I was looking at when I listened to the recorded message cancelling our fourth attempt at this cursed experience.

At midday, I could see why the flight might have been cancelled – I mean a flag on St Andrew’s church was billowing – but by the evening it was as calm as Mother Theresa and Ghandi’s love-spawn. If I were in charge of one of these companies that supposedly operates balloon flights, I would have waited until I could see the wind was fading from 0.5 mph to nothing; I think the exact sentence the robot told me was “The winds will not have died down enough to be able to fly.” I have no idea who sends them their weather updates but I’m pretty sure I heard Michael Fish whispering in his ear.

The closest we’ll be getting to any ‘hot air’ is when I phone the company tomorrow morning to rearrange the date. Hopefully I’ll get lucky and next time it will be clear, dry and calm – that’ll be the flight cancelled then.

I can’t help but feel they’re taking me for a ride…

If only they would.